The Lie We Tell Ourselves About "Real Work"

Do you ever see an invitation for a coffee chat or a lunch-and-learn and think, “I’d love to, but I can’t. I have real work to do”?

I spent years thinking that way. I categorized my time into two buckets: Productive Work (packing boxes, answering emails, spreadsheets) and Not-Work (coffee chats, events, talking).

I used to marvel at my peers who seemed to have so much "free time" for connecting. Meanwhile, I was packing boxes until midnight and skipping lunch to finish inventory counts. When a networking invite came through, I politely declined. I told myself I was being responsible.

But I was missing something crucial. My peers weren't less busy than I was. They were just prioritizing the work that would get them to their goal faster—and with fewer bruises—than hustling alone ever would.

If you are tired of grinding in isolation, we need to address the elephant in the room.

The "Real Work" Trap

Here is the mindset shift that changed everything for me: Building genuine relationships isn't the alternative to real work. It IS real work.

We have been trained to measure productivity by sweat and output—emails sent, units shipped, boxes checked. But strategic work isn't about volume; it's about leverage. The knowledge and doors that open through one authentic connection will get you further than another month of grinding in isolation ever could.

Let me show you the cost of "going it alone."

The $20,000 Lesson

After years of hard work, I was invited to feature my garden kits on a major national morning show. This was the dream: national TV exposure.

I wanted to be smart, so I did my due diligence. The show usually requires a $100,000 inventory commitment, but I negotiated hard and got it down to $50,000. I felt proud of myself for advocating for my business in a room full of media executives.

I spent weeks preparing. I invested in inventory and paid my team overtime. The big day came, the segment aired, and orders poured in... for a few hours. Then, silence.

When the dust settled, I had sold $30,000 worth of inventory. That is a huge day for a small business! But because I had prepared for a "$50,000 day" based on their projections, I was left with $20,000 in excess stock and a lot of confusion. When I asked the producers what happened, their response was a simple shrug: “Sometimes we hit big numbers, sometimes we don’t.”

I was frustrated. I thought I had done everything right to protect my business.

Then, I mentioned the experience in a group chat with other retail business owners.

The responses came immediately.

"Oh yeah, that program is famous for that."

"They always over-hype the potential."

"I can introduce you to three other founders who went through the exact same thing."

It turns out, this was common knowledge—to people in my network.

That is the practical power of relationships. Someone you know has already solved the problem you are facing. They could have saved me months of stress and thousands of dollars with a single ten-minute conversation.

Why Didn't I Ask?

I didn’t avoid asking out of arrogance. I simply didn't think of it. I wasn't in the habit of leaning on a community. I hadn’t trained myself to leverage my network.

Networking is a muscle. You have to develop it so that when a critical decision comes up, your natural instinct is to ask your peers—not just Google or AI.

How to Find the Time 

The big challenge, of course is that we are all genuinely very busy. For many of us we really do have clients to serve and orders to fulfill. So how do we find the time for networking even if we do want to prioritize it? My biggest tip here is communication. If you need more time in your day or your week, you likely will need to communicate how those changes will impact others. I know we all want to provide fast, excellent customer service. But often we overemphasize what that means. If your product will have to ship out the next day instead of the same day, that is still very fast, high quality service. If you have to close your office for 2-hours a week to attend an event, take a break between your morning and evening meal service, or deliver client work in 3 days instead of 2, you can. Those are marginal changes that won't significantly reduce the quality of service. The key is to communicate those changes clearly. 

It can be hard at first, because we feel there is competition all around us and we are afraid if we don't do everything instantly, we will loose money. However, by constantly reacting to orders and client needs, we actually diminish the quality of service we can provide over time. If we don't create margin in our schedules for innovation, professional development, and connection, we risk staying stagnant and that is where competition becomes a real risk. 

Make Sure It Isn't a Waste of Time

Another challenge is the fear that you will go to the coffee chat and it will be a waste of time. So, how do you build this muscle effectively without it feeling fake or draining?

1. Show Up to Give (It’s Faster)

When you join a community, don’t think about what you can get; think about what you can offer. Why? Because the people who get the most value from networking are the ones who freely share what they know. It builds trust instantly, cutting through the small talk.

2. Replace "Extraction" with "Curiosity"

Don't go in thinking, "I need to extract information." That feels like work. Go in thinking, "I’m interested in their story." When you ask questions from a place of curiosity, you learn things you didn't even know you needed to know—often solving problems you haven't hit yet.

3. Dig the Well Before You’re Thirsty

Don't wait until you have a crisis to reach out. Connect when there is no pressure. Share an article, celebrate a win, or ask how a project is going. When you build a relationship over time, asking for help later doesn't feel awkward—it feels like friendship.

4. Ask the "Crowdsource" Questions

I don't want you to think you can never ask for business help. You absolutely should! Before you commit to a big opportunity, ask your circle:

• "Has anyone worked with this supplier?"

• "Has anyone done a feature like this?"

• "Is this software worth the cost?"

Just make sure that isn't the only time they hear from you.

The Real Trade-Off

Here is the bottom line: When you skip networking to do "real work," you aren't choosing productivity over socializing.

You are choosing to solve a problem on your own instead of learning the answer in one conversation.

The hour you spend connecting with other business owners isn't competing with the hour you spend packing boxes. It’s competing with the invisible ceiling that keeps you working harder than you need to.

Your Turn: Test the Theory

Treat networking as a priority for just one quarter. Challenge yourself to show up twice a month to events in your community.

At the end of the quarter, ask yourself: Did connecting with people who want to support me feel like a waste of time? Or do I feel more supported, with more opportunities on the horizon than I ever have before? If you feel conflicted, thata's okay too! Take time to process why taking time to connect isn't working for you and look for opportunities to shift from the parts that aren't working. And, if you need support here, reach out, I am happy to support you in navigating the path to connection thaqt feels right for you. 

Best Wishes for Joyful Growth! 🌿

Dr. Victoria LeBeaux 

Creator, The Grow Your Business Project